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[ the sigh that escapes isn't planned, but Tony is relieved. after the last twenty-four hours he wouldn't be surprised if Steve just said no.]

... well I wasn't kidding about needing coffee, if you don't mind?

[It's not his expectation to work things out that wins Steve over but his concern for what sounds like a friend in need. He may have issues with everything that happened, but Tony needs to talk to someone. He reluctantly agrees for that reason alone. ]

All right. Give me twenty minutes. I'm out.

[ Steve shows up with damp hair and a gym bag indicating what he was doing before coming by the coffee shop. The work out interrupted, he quickly showered and made his way over, looking serious. ]

[ by the time Steve makes it to the coffee shop, Tony has coffee clutched in both his hands and is irritating the hell out of nearby patrons with his constant fidgeting and tapping of his foot. still, when he sees Steve, gym back slung over his shoulder, there is a quirk of a smile on his lips despite the fatigue that lines his face. ]

... thanks.

[ it's quiet as he holds out the coffee, tries not to think about how he is going to explain everything.]

[ Despite the more serious frown, Steve does look concerned as he takes the coffee, nodding his thanks. ]

What did you want to talk about?

He told me... Loki told me that he talked to you.

[ there is a sigh, Tony looking down at the coffee for a moment, flickers of something wistful crossing his face.]

Well, I suppose from what I understood, it was more like he taunted you and attempted to win some kind of fucked up competition and I just-- I'm sorry. I thought I was being honest with you before, when we talked on the roof, but I guess Loki wasn't as honest as I thought he was and--

[ he looks up, and cocks his head as he looks at Steve. ] I told him that he hurt me and he-- he left. Just like that.

[ Steve's expression is unreadable for a moment. He takes what Tony says in thoughtfully, sipping his coffee as he takes in the way Tony looks worn. That hits harder than the words. He doesn't react until the last part, and then his brow creases with worry. ]

What do you mean he left?

I mean he left me. Which considering we had just become a thing to leave, is almost impressive.

[ there is a hollow laugh as he shakes his head.]

Like that was going to hurt me less.

Have you called him?

[ There isn't a lot of room for Loki to leave to, and if he's trying to spare Tony like Tony believes he is, then he clearly needs a talking to. ]

[ that just makes Tony sigh, taking a moment to sip his coffee. ]

Left him a message. He wasn't-- wasn't in his room at the Sanctum. I just-- fuck.

Okay. We can find him. There aren't that many places he'll go.

It'll be all right.

[ Tony blinks up at Steve. leave it to him to think like that--]

No, Steve. He broke up with me. Pretty sure when you vanish in the middle of a date with the words "I'm leaving you" he doesn't want to be found. I just-- more than anything, I am sorry. I'm sorry that you thought I lied, I didn't-- I wasn't aware of how he felt and--

[ look where that got him ]

[ The lines of disapproval deepen as Tony tells him Loki left during a date. Who does that? Okay, so maybe he would do that, but only for important business! For work, not to hurt his partner. Steve places a hand on Tony's arm. ]

It's okay. I'm not that surprised. It's Loki, he didn't tell the truth. The- stars are in the sky and it's another day. He left because he was jealous and hurt and maybe he even thought he was helping you. If you talk as much as we talked when I spoke to him, I doubt he really heard much of anything you were saying.

Can't say I don't think running off like that isn't spoiled, but if you want to talk to him, we can find a way.

Steve, no-- I don't--

[ Tony sighs, runs a hand through his hair and is quiet for a moment as he marshals his thoughts together. on the one hand, he does want to talk to Loki to figure out just what the hell the god thought he was doing, but on the other--

Tony needs time, he is still hurt, still has an echo of betrayal in his chest and maybe it was better like this for a while. ]

I don't want to. Not right now. He used my feelings for him as a way to try and hurt you, Steve. He never outright lied to me, but-- he didn't tell me the truth either. Also, he heard everything I said, maybe too well.

And I am telling you because I said I would be honest, not because I want you to help fix us or something. That is on me and him, no one else. And I am sorry for what he said even if-- even if I don't know exactly what it was, but it stemmed from me not communicating.

What he said came from him being a jerk. That's all it was. He had the option to say something else if that's what he wanted to say. He's not stupid. He said what he said because he thought that trying to throw a few things my way would make him feel better. I've seen it plenty of times before.

[ From eight-year-olds throwing stones. He's very familiar with how spite and casual dislike work. ]

And I don't think everything he said was wrong. I did hurt him, even if that wasn't what I meant to do. I put him in a place he wasn't ready for, and whatever you thought was communicated, well, maybe he just felt like he didn't have any option but to agree at the time. But he had the ability to speak up. That much? That's on him.

I'm sorry he walked out on you.

[ sighing heavily, Tony slouches a little as he listens, drums his fingers absently against his coffee and tries to fine sense in the chaos. this is not the way he saw things going, though perhaps he should have known better, what with one of the variables being chaos itself.

the apology from Steve sits uncomfortably on his shoulders, but he doesn't address it. not right now.]

...perhaps. What-- [ he swallows down the bitter emotions and focuses on Steve.] What of you and Loki? He came to see me a while back, it was-- interesting.

[ Steve's attention sharpens and focuses in on Tony when he mentions Loki. His eyes fix on the man, blue and piercing, but he doesn't quite frown. He's wary, but there is trust there. ]

He visited you? He didn't mention that to me.

[ The gaze lingers while Steve decides if he wants to ask what Loki said, but he decides that he believes in whatever it was. The Loki he has come to know a little more will tell Steve whatever he's thinking when he's ready. ]

Things have been all right. He's upset about the kiss, but we talked about it. I think he'll be okay now.

[ Steve sighs. ]

Should have kept it to myself.

Mmm, honestly? I think he is good for you.

[ there is a quiet smile at that, despite his own troubles he is honestly happy for Steve; even though he and Loki might not see eye to eye, he understood that god a little more than his own. and while he winces at the mention of the kiss, there is relief on his face that the god did end up working it out with Steve.

he was fairly sure that would be the case after they talked, but it was good to hear it from Steve.]

I know, and I am glad you worked it out. He was... well he has a very interesting way of getting the information he wants. And I owe him a coffee.

[ the smile is cast down, eyes lingering on the aforementioned liquid before he sighs and, not really looking at Steve, asks:] Do you regret it?

Good for me?

[ Does that exist? Steve gives Tony a quizzical look, one eyebrow slightly cocked and his head tilting at the thought. Not that he doesn't enjoy Loki's company, but he's never thought of it as being good for him. As far as he knows, nothing has changed. Not really. ]

Well, I'm glad you two apparently got along. I'd hate to have to butt in. He's a good guy. Doesn't like to hear it, but it's true... like someone else I know.

[ He pauses at the question, thinking it over. ]

I regret what it did. Not what it meant, but- If it weren't for me, a lot of people would be happier right now.

[ there is the barest of laughs at that, at the confusion of someone being good for Steve. he means it though, there was an edge to Loki that made Tony think that the god could keep up with Steve, and perhaps even be okay with his brasher traits.

though he simply raises an eyebrow at the comment about being a good guy, ignores any implications that it might have towards him and instead, waits for the answer to the question that Tony is fairly sure he never should have asked.

but at the same time? he needs to know, if Steve regrets kissing him, taking that chance, not for what it meant for Tony, but what it meant for Steve.

somehow, he isn't all that surprised by the answer.]

... I don't. And I don't think-- I don't think the way things happened are really on you either.

[ Tony laughs like Steve's question somehow amuses him. He isn't sure why that is, which probably means he's missing the point. He smiles slightly despite the tension between them. It does help to talk to Tony again. Steve is happy to get that chance, relieved that they are still able to talk without fighting. ]

You don't think you would have been happier if things had continued to go smoothly?

[ The question is gentle, probing cautiously. ]

I don't regret it.

Would I have been happier? Maybe.

[ the wistful smile is back, tugging at the corners of his mouth as he thinks about Loki as he was during that week where memories were missing. thinks about laughter in the dark and gold at the corner of his vision. he thinks about that promise, 'you will always be mine' hissed between the raindrops and the fickleness of chaos contained.

Tony isn't one for lying, even when it suits him.]

I think that getting too caught up in thoughts about something that isn't might be considered a bit sentimental, don't you think? But happier right now, maybe. In the long run? Who knows.

[ and honestly? it still hurts, a sharp pain between the ribs. he never planned on falling for Loki, but--.]

Still, I am sorry he took it out on you.

Is it that sentimental? You know how easy it can be to lose something important. I hate to be the one that took that away from you.

[ Which Steve can see reflecting in Tony's expression and his responses. It's one thing to lose someone because they drifted apart or couldn't make things work, but it's another entirely when his actions brought about the loss. ]

He blamed me. I think that says something. I don't blame him for being angry, but he shouldn't have given up on you.

You didn't take it from me. I told him the same thing. You couldn't take me from him and he couldn't take me from you, so he took himself away from me.

[ and Tony knows, when he isn't feeling so raw, that he will know that it is because the godling was so afraid of hurting Tony in anyway. that he was afraid he would be the reason Tony would either get sick of him or be hurt by him. and in some sense he gets that, but he also isn't sure how easy it will be to get over that.

still, there is a set of bracers in his workshop that he needs to drop off sooner rather than later.]

No, he shouldn't have run. [ a sigh as he hang his head. ] But that is on him, not you. All your actions did was create a conversation. One that we would have needed to have either way really.

He's really burnt up about the idea of you having thoughts about me, huh?

[ That says something about Loki, and Steve can't fix that. He looks at Tony, questioning, searching his face for some answer he isn't sure he knows the question to. What went on between the two of them is a mystery to Steve. He doesn't know what their relationship was like, but the idea that Loki could leave because he didn't want Tony to like Steve makes him question how invested they both were to begin with. ]

What do you want?

[ there is truth there, that Loki didn't like the idea of Tony with Steve. even though the god admitted that he always thought of them as something that was inevitable. something that couldn't be avoided no matter what, but Loki was still willing to put himself in the mix. it made Tony wonder how much of this was also for Loki, for him to protect himself when he already had dealt with so many people leaving him.

but Tony doesn't respond with words, just a shake of his head as he fixates on his coffee a little more.

there is a flicker of surprise at the question however, and Tony takes a moment to think about it. ]

I-- in general? I want to make the damn turrets work and work well. But you don't mean that do you.

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