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I wouldn't know if you had.

[He doesn't know this Steve as well as his own, and he would be much less likely to notice very small differences. But he knows where he is and who he is, so that's all a good sign.]

You talked to your-- to the other me recently? He'd know.

Mm, I would like to think I would, but I guess that's not how memory loss works. If it's magic, then they could make it feel normal.

[ Steve wonders how much he really knows in general with the way this place seems to throw stuff at them. ]

Off and on, but not about memories. He's... He has a lot on his mind. I don't want to add to that.

[He doesn't want to ask what's going on with the other him at the moment, the whole idea of another him is uncomfortable at best.]

I don't know how to test, is there anyone else here who knows you well?

[ Steve frowns, wondering if there would be a way to test memory loss if he doesn't feel the loss. It would be different if he were aware of some feeling he could use to pinpoint the issue. ]

Bucky and Tony know me, but I don't know if they'd be able to find what I'm missing, if anything. If it were obvious, I think you could have noticed it. Not like I have all that many secrets.

[ But there's not way to be sure. ]

You should still go and talk to them both to try and make certain.

[Even if it's not a foolproof plan, if those two know Steve and his history the best out of anyone here, then they're most likely to notice if he's missing something.]

I... [ Steve starts to agree, then hesitates. The plan is a good one, but he feels uncomfortable with it and frowns ]

They've both got a lot on their plates right now. It's my problem. I'll figure it out.

You're being an idiot.

[Blunt and unimpressed.]

How're you supposed to figure out your own memory loss?

[ Steve responds to being called an idiot by jutting his jaw out in a particularly stubborn fashion. ]

I'll think of something.

[ Of course he doesn't know how he'll manage that. ]

Thought you were supposed to be smart and understand a team has to rely on each other.

[Apparently he was wrong.]

Talk to them or don't, it's not my problem.

[Well, that certainly doesn't give him much encouragement, but it's also pretty much as Bucky as Steve can expect. He almost smiles, even though he knows the man wouldn't appreciate it.]

Thank you for worrying about me. You don't have to, and I'm glad you did.

I wasn't worried.

[He absolutely was.]

Forget it, I should go.

[ Bucky makes his excuse and Steve can see he's ready to bolt. ]

Don't go.

[ For once it's a gentler, cautious request. He shifts his weight, unsure of what he can say to Bucky to reach him. ]

Just... for a few more minutes. I haven't talked to you lately.

[Usually he would keep going anyway, but that-- it was much gentler than usual, not a demand and more of a plea, and so he stays where he is.]

I don't have much to say.

[But he's not arguing, he'll stay for a bit.]

You don't have to say anything, really.

[ As much as he keeps trying to connect to the people in Riverview, it always feels like he's just out of reach. Things keep happening, rifts keep appearing, and when it isn't a mission, Steve feels helpless against the ever-growing distance. ]

I just- want to know you're here.

You sure you're not just substituting me for your actual friend?

[There's no reason this Steve should want to know he's anywhere, not when he has the Bucky that he actually knows here in this town.]

[ The sigh Steve gives is thin, not deep. He can't muster up the strength to really be exasperated. ]

You really think I can't tell you two apart? I've known him for years. Longer than anyone else here.

[ Does that matter to him? Probably not. Steve wonders if anything he says really makes it across to the people he speaks to anymore. ]

It's all right. If I'm holding you up, you can say so. I just thought we could be friends too.

[Bucky's lips twist up in a smile that's anything but amused.]

I don't even think that I'm friends with my Steve.

[So what makes him think that he has a chance?]

I don't really have friends.

Is there something wrong with trying?

[ Steve asks honestly, with no sarcasm or bitterness to be found. When it comes to these questions, to people, he believes in being as direct as he can be, which might be too open, but he hasn't learned that yet. ]

What if I want to be your friend? Does it really bother you that I'm not him?

I don't know.

[He appreciates that Steve is being so blunt, it makes it easier somehow.]

I don't remember everything about him, I guess-- I don't want the two of you to get mixed up in my head.

[ He can't help but frown at that one. Not because of Bucky, really, but because of his own history. ]

Am I that easy to trade out? Before I used to be one of a kind. The only one. It used to be the reason I was needed, because there weren't any others like me.

Now I'm the old tech.

It's not that. Just... maybe you might tell me a story about your childhood, and maybe I might not know if the same thing happened for the other Steve. I want to keep you both unique, not make a mess of the few memories I actually have.

[He's not explaining this well and he's clearly just offending Steve, messing it all up like usual.]

I don't think we're that alike.

[ It's a knee-jerk answer, followed by Steve lowering his gaze as he realizes what he's doing. ]

Sorry. You don't have any reason to want to know me. It must be hard enough trying to figure him out without an intruder taking up the space.

[ To Bucky, he's the copy. The fake Cap that shouldn't be there. Steve looks to his wrist, to the spot for the brace that powers his energy shield, wondering how true that sentiment really is. Maybe a lot of the old heroes felt that way when he came back. He never did ask. ]

For what it's worth, I wasn't trying to replace him. He's important to you. Memories like that can't be exchanged with substitutes.

Edited 2017-10-31 19:13 (UTC)

[This is just a mess of a situation all round.

He's not actually trying to offend Steve, and he doesn't mean that they're interchangeable, he's just uncomfortable enough trying to get to know his own Steve without another one muscling in too.

It's not fair on either of them.

He backs up a step, eyes sad.]

I know you weren't. Just do yourself a favour, find someone less-- find someone else to be friends with.

[ It's talking to that other Tony all over again. You just don't get it, Steve. You don't know them. There's a heavy voice in his mind that keeps telling him that. Riverview might be a place for change, but what is that for a man that only represents the past? An old relic everyone would be happy to move past?

He knows that Bucky is still searching for his friend. In the broken pieces of memories, he's trying to find something important, more important than anything else. Steve raises his hands, palms facing out, as Bucky backs away. ]

It doesn't work that way. You know that. But I don't want to hurt you any more than you want to hurt me. Honestly, I don't know how much of the past we might share. But I do know that even if we have the same name, he's gonna be a lot closer to you than anyone else. You'll feel it. The memories, they're important. I get that. But even without them, you'd find your way back. And you'll get past all the substitutes in the world to do it.

Shut up.

[He's pressing too hard on the wrong buttons now. Because Steve is that important to him, but he doesn't feel like he should be, not yet. It's just a tangled mess of identity issues and he isn't nearly close to working through them all yet.

This time, when he turns away, he does stalk off with his back rigidly straight even if Steve calls for him to stay.]

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